God has been doing great and amazing things in my life these past two months, so I felt the need to share.
I'm pretty sure most people, from all faiths, religions or walks of life, reach a point where they just feel....bleh.
It feels as if you are just going through the motions of a day-to-day life without much direction or purpose. I might be totally alone here, but I have a feeling that many can relate.
This entire year I have had absolutely no idea what purpose my life held in the greater scheme of the world and basically I felt pretty useless.
I have always felt a very strong call to the poor and have always felt like I needed to be doing something, anything, to help the situation of poverty our country finds itself in. The problem was that firstly, I was just ridiculously lazy, and secondly, I didn't feel that I had the ability to do anything. I mean, I'm just one person and there are a gazillion (that may not even be an exaggeration) mouths to feed and bodies to clothe. In my mind, I just couldn't understand why God would want to use me of all people. I'm nobody special, I mess up all the time and I can be pretty selfish and greedy and even spoilt when I want to b.
But here is what went down.
I spent a week during Matric Rage working 10pm-2am and 2am-4am shifts with a team of other people, just being a positive and sober presence during rage and ensuring that the matrics felt safe in a very hectic, alcohol-filled environment. By Day Two I was so ridiculously tired and just emotionally and physically broken that I didn't know how I was going to cope for the rest of the week.
Then I heard a life-changing analogy.
It came from Matt 14:13-21 and was a story about how Jesus used the lunch of a little boy to feed 5000 people. He started off with five loaves of bread and two fish. He then broke the bread and used these five loaves to feed all these people.
This story basically depicts my time during Matric Rage. Our team was like those loaves of bread, small and seemingly insignificant - but Jesus found us in our brokenness and tiredness and used us to "feed" or help all those matrics, and boy, did He show up. It was said to be one of the calmest Matric Rages they have ever had.
Anyway the point is that, during that week, God really showed me that no matter how insignificant I think I am and no matter how much I have messed up in my life, I still have the ability to love people beyond my capabilities. I realised that I had forgotten how powerful it was to merely show someone love and kindness. We don't have to be perfect people, in fact, we probably never will be, but we have been given this beautiful gift of love - a powerful love that comes from a God who loves us without condition or expectation... so why not use it to make a difference in the world.
I think it was Mother Theresa who once said,
" Following Jesus is simple, but never easy. Love until it hurts, then love more"
Sheesh, what a quote hey.
Sometimes, actually oftentimes, it does hurt to love the old lady who has fallen asleep on the pavement in the rain, or the man digging in the rubbish bin for any sign of food, or the group of friends sitting on the curb, drinking alcohol all day to forget about the pain of poverty. It hurts because I wish there was more I could do and it hurts because I know that there are so many more like them, but you would be surprised the impact that showing someone a little love can have. It is because I love that I give them money for the shelter, it is because I love that I make them food parcels, it is because I love that I talk to them and pray with them and build relationships with them.
It is because I am loved by a God like no other that I can love. It is because of that love that I finally feel like I have purpose. It is because of that love that I'm finally doing something about it.
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