Change and Control.

Change is scary.

Actually, it's ridiculously scary. Change means that for a period of time, we are not in control. We will never know how change is going to affect our lives, I mean, we may have an idea, but we can never know for certain. So, we feel like suddenly our lives are not safe and familiar. Suddenly we are out of our comfort zones.Suddenly we have no control over what this change means for our lives.


And humans HATE not being in control. Every bit of humanness in us yearns for control. Yearns to know what the future looks like.

But then Jesus comes. And he tells us that in order to follow him, we must deny our old life, pick up our crosses and follow him. Romans 12:2 says it quite straightforwardly: " Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind ". So, firstly, we must change the way live. For salvation we are called to repent and agree that God's way is better than our way. So, secondly,we have to hand over the control to Him. uh oh. Ya, nobody should ever say Christianity is easy.

The thing that I have noticed ( in my own life especially) is that although most people are willing to say they will give God control, they are still hesitant to actually allow it to happen; to allow that change to occur. Like I said; change is scary.

The problem is that as followers of Christ, a halfhearted commitment is not what we are called to. We are called to GIVE UP OUR LIVES and walk in the purpose that God has for us.

What does that purpose look like? Why should we allow this change to occur?

All around me-  in newspapers, on television,at my university, in my street, in my house - I see poverty, war, brokenness and people searching for something, anything to fill the void in their lives. Every day I am reminded of just how many people there are in the world who need Jesus.
 And everyday, I choose to not let it break my heart.

Wait, what?

Well, if I let it break my heart then that means I have to do something about it. And to do something about it will mean that some sort of change will need to take place in my life - whether it means parting with finances, joining a new ministry, moving to a different country to do mission work -and,  at some point, I will have to leave my comfort zone. And that is scary. Right?

Well, the thing is, I cannot claim to be  lover of Jesus and to want to walk in his footsteps without wanting my heart to break for the broken. This world can only be changed if we are willing to be changed. If we are willing to live the way Jesus lived. Which was miles out of the comfort zone.

We love Jesus because he loved without condition, he was humble, generous, he cared about the poor, he healed the sick and he befriended the broken. Then he endured agony on a cross so that we may be forgiven
for our sins and ultimately carry on His ministry for Him. He died so that we may understand what love really means. He died so we would understand sacrifice, and what it means to allow God to be in control. He died so we could see that although  change is painful, it brings new life.

So then, the way for me to "be the change that [I ]want to see in the world " (Gandhi), will mean setting aside my own agenda, setting aside my personal goals and dreams, and saying " God, you gave me this life; show me how you want me to live it".

Allow your heart to break for the broken people of this world. Your love for them will flow out as a result of that willingness to step out of a comfort zone. Your life was never yours to begin with, so don't just give God the passenger seat, let him drive the car.
He will take you on a journey that will be greater than any comfort zone ever was.

It's not goodbye, it's until we meet again.

So this is going to be the last post I write for a while because I am putting all my focus and energy into a new blog that I have developed for my  Honours Project. It's called This City is Music and you should definitely go check it out!

Anyway so that's the reason I have been quiet for a while. So far this year has been crazy- a rollercoaster ride of emotions and memories and university work. So much change, so much growth and so much that I have learnt. Allow me to share with you.

 Friends are everything.

It's so very important to surround yourself with people who are going to build you up, encourage you and motivate you to keep going when things get overwhelming. I have made an amazing bunch of mates here in Cape Town who welcomed me instantly, included me and loved me...they are probably the reason why I am still sane.

 Life's to short to think ahead.

You always hear that saying "take one day at a time" but I don't think I have ever taken it seriously. Until this year, when I realised I had to. I made a to do list of tasks I needed to accomplish every day of the week and then on each of those days I would only focus on those tasks and not worry about what assignment was due next month or whose birthday party it was the following week. It really works, day by day, getting through. I often found I then had so much time left in my days to just relax.

Go out and have a jol.

It's so important to get out of the house or the library or wherever you are holed up and just go have a night on the town with mates. Especially living in Cape Town, there are so many wonderful things to do here and if I just did varsity work all day, I would  never actually get to enjoy this place. So I make a point of making sure that I get my work done so I can go out at least once on the weekend.

 Sometimes WANTS trump NEEDS.

I need a car. I need to get a job. I need to pass Honours. I need to be able to pay rent next year. I need to figure out where I am going to live next year. Thinking about what I need to do literally only brought more stress into my life and so I took a moment, took a deep breath,  pushed all those needs to the back of mind and focussed on what I actually wanted.

I want to be on holiday. I want to travel. I want to graduate Cum Laude. I want to tick as many things as I can off my bucketlist. These things make me happy and motivate me to work hard. This is what's more important...do what makes you happy. Life is far too short to spend all your time stressing about cars and jobs and rent. That stuff will work out if you are happy and motivated.

Jesus is everything.

The most important thing I have learned this year is that without God, I would probably just be a crying mess, curled up on the floor. I would probably have just quit Honors and gone back to Durban. Without God fighting for me every step of the way, I am pretty sure I would have just given up. He's constantly just showing me how blessed I am to be here and that this is where I am meant to be. Sure, I still have days when I want to pack my bags and go home, I have days when I cry for hours, I have days when all I want is for time to slow down....but Jesus is right there through it all, holding my tears, holding every fearful thought and silently whispering to me that it will be alright. That's how I got through this year. Living in my own house, away from home, tackling a degree that overwhelmed me was never going to be easy, but if this entire journey has brought me to a deeper and more intimate place with God, then it was all worth it.



So that's it for the next 6 months or so, unless I find a spare minute to write something else.

peace and love

Va Va Vintage.

Quote of the day...

“ For what we need to know, of course, is not just that God exists, not just that beyond the steely brightness of the stars there is a cosmic intelligence of some kind that keeps the whole show going, but that there is a God right here, in the thick of our day-by-day lives who may not be writing messages in the stars but in one way or another is trying to get messages through our blindness as we move around knee-deep in the fragrant muck and misery and marvel of the world. It is not objective proof of God’s existence that we want but the experience of God’s presence. That is the miracle we are really after, and that is also, I think, the miracle that we really get”

 - Frederick Beuchner in The Magnificent Defeat.

Markets make the world go round.

I have always loved markets and now that I live in Cape Town it seems that I have so much to choose from!

 On a Friday night I love going to the Hout Bay Night Market where there is always great music, amazing food and beautiful things to spend money on. Then I wake up early on a Saturday morning and head to the City Bowl Market situated on Hope street, where I can find huge bags of fresh plums for only R5, the best brownies and chocolate croissants in the country, and an array of trendy second hand and vintage clothes which are all sold at reasonable prices. Many people in Cape Town enjoy going to The Old Biscuit Mill market, and although it is amazing, I find it to be slightly out of my price range. I would much rather take a scenic drive to the quaint town of Stellenbosch, where every Saturday the farmers market is held. You'll find a selection of fruits, breads, cheeses, clothes, accessories and amazing lemonade all for reasonable prices - its a great opportunity to grab some goods and have a picnic under the mountains. Markets are my weakness, I just cannot seem to resist the pull of fresh produce, locally made clothes and accessories, and the relaxed atmosphere that seems to surround everyone.